Together, we will

[hopeitsworthit]

The weak link on the Winchester totem pole.

That's all Dean's even been, isn't it?

He thinks it should hurt more, or at least sting a little. Kind of wants it to, even. That'd mean this is Situation Normal.

Only it ain't ever gonna be that again. Nothing is.

The real bitch about hospitals is that he can keep this up all day. And it still ain't enough self-flagellation for what he's done.

Comments

[gavemea_45]

"And Cas--"

He's rocked back, hard, frantically trying to work his way through this.

"He knew? The angels knew that - that if, if Dad, or you --"

[hopeitsworthit]

Dean's smile is humorless.

"Looks like, don't it? Looks like they knew Dad was a better man than me, too."

Otherwise they would've come for him, right?

[gavemea_45]

"Bullshit."

Something's tightening in the set of Sam's shoulders.

"They knew what could happen, and they left you there? They left him there? Fuck that -- even before, they let Lilith--"

[hopeitsworthit]

"Don't talk about her."

It comes out quick and harsh and close to breathless.

Not her. Not Lilith. Never Lilith.

He can't --

No.

"Who the fuck knows what an angel's thinking?"

[gavemea_45]

"--okay," he says, hastily. "Okay."



A beat of silence passes, while Sam fights down his impulse reaction.


"I doubt anyone does."

Another beat.

"You can't blame yourself, Dean. You can't. You didn't know."

[hopeitsworthit]

"I shouldn't have done it, Sammy."

He's not crying.

He's not.

"I should never have done it."

Even if he didn't know.

He should never have gotten down off that goddamn rack.

Not ever.

[gavemea_45]

"We'll fix it," he promises, trying not to notice the tears on Dean's face, knowing his brother wouldn't want him to.

"You didn't know. You couldn't have. If you had, you'd never have done it, I know you wouldn't. And we'll make it right. We will."

[hopeitsworthit]

Dean scrubs his hand over his face.

It's not really like hiding.

Really.

"You can't."

He sounds defeated when he says that.

"It's all on me, Sam. Because I started it. And I don't -- "

God, if only they'd left him in that goddamn room.

"I don't know how I'm gonna do it."

[gavemea_45]

Firm and sure:

"You don't have to do it alone."

Or at all, if Sam's got anything to say about it. Especially after seeing what this has done to his brother.

Besides, Alastair's dead now, at his hand. He's strong enough, or nearly so.

All he has to do is find Lilith, and it'll all be over.

"We'll figure it out. I swear to you, Dean, we'll find a way."

[hopeitsworthit]

"Yeah, well."

He huffs out a breath that, ten or so years ago, might even have been a laugh.

"Maybe this time it'll actually work out."

Yeah.

Right.

And he's got this bridge . . .

[gavemea_45]

Sam puts all the certainty that he can into his voice. If he believes it hard enough, maybe Dean will too.

"It will."




He'll make it work out.

Somehow.

Whatever it takes.

[hopeitsworthit]

Dean half-smiles.

"Yeah, Sammy. I know."

Maybe that's what Dean's afraid of.

"Now shut up. I've got to finish this burger before it gets cold."

Even if it's probably already too late.

[gavemea_45]

He answers that with a small smile of his own, and settles more comfortably in his chair so Dean can eat in peace.

Maybe when the doctor next makes his rounds, they can see about getting some kind of update on when his brother can get out of here.

Until then, Sam's not going anywhere.