(no subject)

[hopeitsworthit]

Some of the incandescent fury of dealing with Gordon--

Of dealing with the guy who cut Sammy, who fucking cut Dean's brother

killed his own goddamn sister

--Some of it is kinda gone.

Dean hopes he has to sit in his own shit for a good couple days, though. Fucker deserves it.

And speaking of assholes who deserve things.

"Sam? Clock me one."

Comments

[gavemea_45]

He's busy flexing his arm and trying to make sure the knife wound isn't going to be a problem, but Sam's head snaps around at Dean's order.

"What?"

[hopeitsworthit]

Oh god, Sam's gonna make him explain?

Jesus.

Not in this lifetime.

"Come on. Just one punch. I won't even hit you back."

Because Dean's sure Sam can't resist that.





Guilt's a bitch, you know? Not that Sam didn't have it coming, that time. But--

He's Dean's brother.

[gavemea_45]

"No."

He lowers his arm, just to make it clearer.

[hopeitsworthit]

Fuck.

"Dude, let's go. You can get a freebie!"

Keeping the desperation out of his voice is a bitch and a half.

Sam's gonna owe him for this one.

"Hit me. Come on."

Hell, even his body language is begging for it, guard down as much as if it hadn't existed in the first place.

[gavemea_45]

He knows exactly why Dean's offering. Even if he'd forgotten, the fading bruise on his jaw would remind him.

"Hit me all you want, Dean. It's not gonna change anything."

It doesn't matter. Sam shakes his head.

"You look like you just went twelve rounds with a block of cement, Dean."

A beat. "I'll take a raincheck."

Not that he's ever gonna call it in, but whatever.

[hopeitsworthit]

Goddammit.

Dean holds his position for a couple more seconds, hoping--

Hoping something. Who the hell knows anymore?

He huffs out a breath, scraping his hand through his hair.

"I wish we never took this job."

He's turning away, heading for the Impala.

"It just jacked everything up."

Well, it and a whole shitload of other things, but Dean is not thinking about those.

Hasn't been for a while, when he can help it.

[gavemea_45]

Sam frowns, looking after him.

"What do you mean?"

[hopeitsworthit]

Yeah, okay, this is kinda creepy.

Because this kind of shit--usually Sam's right up in it.

Dean looks even more awkward.

"Come on, Sammy. Think about all the hunts we've been on. Our whole lives, dude."

[gavemea_45]

"...Okay," he says, slowly.

[hopeitsworthit]

"What if--"

And there's a whole lot of other shit in here, Lilly and Coyote and, you know Milliways at large, but--

That's different. That stuff isn't here, it's a different set of rules, and Dean's got a different set of responsibilities.

Who the fuck knows what Sam thinks about it. Dean can kinda guess.

"What if we killed things that didn't deserve killing? You know?"

It's a weird thought, and it doesn't fit, but with the vampire chick and Gordon's creepiness, and--

Dean just ain't sure what direction is up anymore. He pretty much hates that.

"I mean, with the way Dad raised us--"

[gavemea_45]

"No."

It's immediate, and Sam's shaking his head.

"Don't think like that. After-- after Mom died, Dad did the best he could."

[hopeitsworthit]

Dean looks up at that, scowling.

"Dude, I know that. "

And you'd think Sam'd be glad to hear Dean say this. You'd think--

Never mind.

"I'm just saying, the man wasn't perfect. And the way he raised us? To hate those things?"

His voice gets tight, sharp and cold.

"And man, do I hate 'em. I do."

He huffs out another breath, hands fisting and unfisting, almost unconsciously.

"When I killed that vampire at the mill? I didn't think about it. Hell--"

And he remembers the feeling, that ultimate freedom of not giving a good goddamn what he was doing, just ending one of what seems to be an endless line of vicious sons-of-bitches just looking to take out humanity.

"Hell, you were there. I enjoyed the fuck out of it."

In the moment, at least.

Afterward--

Now--

Yeah, he's not gonna think about that.

[gavemea_45]

"Yeah, I was there."

He takes a step forward, toward Dean.

"And you know what?"

[hopeitsworthit]

Dean doesn't flinch, just looks at Sam.

Wary.

"Seems pretty clear that I've got no freakin' clue, Sammy."

[gavemea_45]

There's not even the slightest shred of uncertainty in Sam's voice.

"You didn't kill Lenore."

[hopeitsworthit]

Dean could look down here.

Look away.

But some things you've just gotta face head-on.

"I was gonna do it. Every goddamn instinct told me to."

Every instinct always tells him to. Even in Milliways. It's probably not gonna change.

"I was gonna waste 'em all."

[gavemea_45]

"But you didn't, Dean. Because she was different, and you saw that."

He meets Dean's gaze; holds it.

"You didn't kill her, and that's what matters."

[hopeitsworthit]

Dean doesn't crack a smile, but--

But--

After a couple more seconds his shoulders relax, coming down from their defensive positions.

"Yeah, well. That's because you're a pain in my ass."

Dean really can't find it in him to be sorry for that.

Even when Sam is being a little bitch.

[gavemea_45]

Sam grins.

"Guess I'm just gonna have to stick around and be a pain in the ass, then."

[hopeitsworthit]

"Hey," Dean says, expression relaxing a little more.

"You see me complainin'?"

Right now, anyway.

Some things Sam's just gotta expect.

[gavemea_45]

"You? Complain? You're kidding, right?"

[hopeitsworthit]

"Yeah, whatever, bitch."

He rests his arms on the roof of the Impala, carefully avoiding Sam's gaze.

"Thanks."

[gavemea_45]

"Don't mention it."

Sam pulls open the passenger door. A beat, and a quick grin.

"Jerk."

[hopeitsworthit]

Once Sam's safely inside the Impala, Dean cracks a slight smile.

It doesn't last.

Never does.

He takes a deep breath, cracking his neck before he drops down and gets in the car, too.

AC/DC obligingly cues up as he starts the car, and they drive off into the sunrise.

And eventually--

"Days like this I wish I had a pair of shades, dude."

[gavemea_45]

Sam slants a look at him.

"What happened to the last one?"